Are You Grateful or Guilty?

Are you grateful or – guilty for not feeling grateful? Let’s face it, there’s been alot of bad news for financial advisors and their clients lately…and even successful entreprenuers are finding that their gratitude “buckets” have sprung leaks.

Take my client, Kevin, who needed to rebuild his practice.  With a 20-year, thriving practice as a wealth advisor, he was earning in the high 6-figures –  until last year. Now, like most advisors, he has lost many of his clients to bankruptcy, first-time unemployment and devastated retirement savings. Several have left, and he knows others are about to jump ship. “I know I’ve got to change something”, said Kevin to me. “I’m rowing as fast as I can, but just treading water, and, not to overuse the metaphor, but unless I plug the holes in this bucket,  my boat is going to sink!” (Kevin was a rowing captain in college, so we forgive him).

As Kevin explained what had happened to his practice, his eyes clouded. He wiped them quickly and said, “For the first time, I don’t know how to fix this. With Thanksgiving coming up, I know I should be grateful but, I’m embarrassed to admit I’m having a tough time being thankful right now. I’m  putting on a happy face for my clients, but they probably can see right through it”. He muttered under his breath, “ I know my family can.”

His voice trailed off and he looked away. “Kevin, I know that you have good reasons for why you see things the way you do, and though I can’t control the uncontrollable, I can help you. Are you willing to try something  different?” Kevin looked at me cautiously, “Sure, why not?”

“Great, thank you for your open mind! Now, the first thing you can be thankful for is….your bad attitude” “What?!”, Kevin sat up in his chair, “That sounds crazy!” I sat forward,too, and said “ That’s right ! Without a bad attitude, you wouldn’t be able to appreciate a good one. Think about it.” Kevin considered this and agreed, he hadn’t thought of it this way. ”But, all the self-help books say to “Think Positive!’, which I think is ridiculous anyway.” he said emphatically. 

I replied, “Yes, you’re right. When we try to force ourselves to ‘think positive’, it doesn’t work very well. What if it were easy to change your attitude?”

Kevin thought that sounded good and here are the steps you can try for yourself, the next time you want an attitude of gratitude:

1. Shift your attention away from the problem. Brain research shows you can improve your performance by changing your train of thought. One quick way to do this:  take a couple of full breaths and consciously relax your jaw, neck and body. Focus your attention on something that takes you away from the problem.

2. From open-minded viewpoint, ask:

• What opinions of mine are contributing to a  ”bad attitude” ?
• What result do I want?
• What attitude would be more useful for the result I want?

3. Allow yourself to imagine what it would sound, look and feel like if you had the attitude you would choose. Note what new ideas are now available that weren’t from the other mood.

Like Kevin, you’ll probably be thankful for the fresh ideas that come to you. And, later, when you notice negative thoughts creeping back in (they have a way of doing that), repeat this exercise. It works better with practice. 

Enjoy being authentically grateful!