6 Steps to “Real Presents”

‘Tis the season, and so I have a gift for you that I hope will keep giving in the new year – for your success: how to make sure your “presence” is accepted in the way you intend for others to receive.

In business, we often feel we need to present our “game” face – the one that looks and sounds confident and successful. And, we also know when we are not quite “feeling” what we are saying – and so do our clients much of the time.

Here’s an example from my own experience.  I had a great prospect who I really wanted to coach. I mean, the PERFECT client. So, I made and appointment to speak with him at his office. As I was riding up the elevator, I mentally prepared myself for a positive meeting. I said affirmations, I breathed, I practiced, I reviewed my UBS (unique benefit statement) and my elevator speech. I mean, I was READY! And I bombed!

It turns out, I was worried about something in the back of my mind, that I had not accounted for, but which quickly came up in the meeting: “not knowing enough”. Like a critical professor, this “voice from the gallery” was letting me know of my flaws, mistakes and lacking knowledge. This was a voice from my past, and one that seems to be common for many in our achievement-oriented culture. What happened was my prospect picked up on my cautiousness and tentativeness, even though my presentation was assertive and confidently worded. So, he became cautious and tentative, too.

This situation painfully shed light on how important it is to notice and adjust the three ways we always communicate: not just our words, but also through our emotions and even our body language. And, based on my conversations with clients, it also illuminates how often we launch into a business meeting, a conversation or a phone call without doing that “3-way check”? In our hurry to get our “to do” list done, we sometimes miss that bit of mental preparation that would make all the difference to the outcome we get.

Good lesson for me. And so, now, when I prep for a meeting I spend more time sending my background “worried professor” on sabbatical, so that I can replace her with the confident coach I want to ensure “shows up” at the meeting to represent me. Here is a simple way that might work for you too:

Before picking up the phone or stepping into a meeting where I am presenting:

1) Take a deep breath – yes I ALWAYS start with this, since it is fast, easy and works to slow me down so I can pay attention
2) Notice what I am saying to myself that might interfere with my very best presentation (”You don’t know enough”) I also see if I can feel any physical tension that is associated with these thoughts.
3) Ask myself” “What are these thoughts trying to warn me about?” (In my case: “Ask good questions, do your homework, listen to your audience and don’t guess if you are not sure”)
4) I always thank myself for sharing this concern (it makes me laugh and lightens up my mood)
5) Ask myself: “What emotion does my audience need me to show?” (Compassion? Calmness? Motivation? Courage? Curiosity?)
5) Ask myself to imagine if I had that emotion, what would I say, how would I stand or sit? By thinking of the actual language and feelings, even the body language, I put myself into the mental/physical state that is best for the situation.
6) Once I have practiced this state for a few minutes, so that it is real,  I am ready to have the conversation

The whole exercise only takes a few minutes, and always has a much better outcome, that ultimately takes less time to accomplish than if I don’t do it.

I hope you give yourself this gift by trying it for yourself. And I would love to hear comments from you – would you keep it, re-gift it or return it?

Happy Holidays!